Happy Howlidays Read online

  But… it gets even better! You see, the best part of my walk with Mom-Lady wasn’t just going inside my favorite shop, it was what I saw inside that wonderful place. Because today, on top of all the usual fantastic things to see and sniff and play with, the Dandy Dog store had been completely decorated!

  My doggy eyes nearly rocketed out of my head with surprise. Everywhere I turned, there were twinkling lights and festive-looking red-and-white sticks hanging from the shelves. Jingly music was playing loudly and the shopkeeper was wearing a funny costume with pointy ears attached to his hat!

  It was the most festiverous sight I’d ever laid my pooch-peepers on, I tell ya!

  Mom-Lady gasped just as much as I did when she saw all the incredible decorations and hurried inside with me to have a look around.

  I only had time to sniff the pile of braided rope toys before I spotted my pooch-pals Odin and Diego at the back of the store with their pet human and…

  HA HA! Their pet had dressed them up in silly costumes just like the shopkeeper! Odin was wearing a knitted sweater with huge sprigs of holly on both sides, and Diego had on a little hat with a bell hanging off the end and little chihuahua-sized curly boots. It was HILARIOUS!

  Even if nothing else happens for the rest of the year, seeing my pooch-pals all dressed up like that has to make this the BEST Howliday Season EVER!! HA HA!

  2:17 p.m.

  Oh no, my person-pal, I spoke too soon!! This is terrible!!

  It turns out while I was distracted and laughing at my mutt-mates and their dreadful Critter-Mess clothing, Mom-Lady had the same idea as their pet humans and was grabbing me a few outfits from the rack to try on.

  AAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!

  No, Junior! You vowed to be a good boy and nothing but a GOOD BOY!

  Brace yourself, my furless friend. Looks like we’re going clothes shopping…

  2:23 p.m.

  JUST LOOK AT ME!!!!

  Well, that was humiliating! Honestly, if we weren’t such good friends I’d be totally embarrassed about you just seeing that. I’ll tell you what—if you keep my terrible festive fashion a secret, I’ll share with you the Denta-Toothy-Chew I’ve got buried in one of Ruff’s sneakers.

  Deal?

  Ha ha! Excellent!!

  2:46 p.m.

  Mom-Lady and I are nearly back at the Catch-A-Doggy-Bone kennel, and you wouldn’t believe the crazy stuff I’ve just seen happening on my street.

  After all the howllabaloo inside the Dandy Dog store, I certainly wasn’t expecting any more surprises this afternoon, but it looks like the whole of Hills Village is preparing for the upcoming HO-HO-HO-est of howlidays. It’s beginning to look a lot like Critter-Mess, that’s for sure, my person-pal.

  Mr. and Mrs. Haggerty, who live across the street from us, were out front, decking their house with strings of colored lights…

  And the Hanleys were putting out models of strange animals with knobbly horns in the front yard. They were positioned like they were about to take off into the sky, pulling a great big red guy in a roofless moving people-box behind them.

  I’ve heard about him before, my person-pal. The happy-looking red guy, I mean. Old Mama Mange talked about him once, back in my days at Hills Village Dog Shelter. If my memory serves me correctly, his name is Saint Lick and he lives up a pole someplace.

  NOTE TO SELF:

  Find out more about this Saint Lick character. I can’t quite remember what Old Mama Mange had to say about him, but I have a feeling he’s pretty important if you want to have a super-great Critter-Mess Day.

  9:32 p.m.

  What did I tell you, my furless friend? I knew Saint Lick was one to watch out for!

  After dinner… Mom-Lady, Ruff, and Jawjaw had boring vegetables on spag-et-ig-a-li… spat-giggly… spa-tig-a-ti… I CAN’T SAY IT!!

  … and I had a huge bowl of DOGGO-DROPS. They’re one of my favorite types of mutt-meals!

  Anyway! After chomping down as much as we could eat, Ruff and I went off to the Picture Box Room to watch some festivish films. We snuggled right in and watched one of those cartoony things called The Night Before Critter-Mess, and OH BOY did I learn a lot.

  It turns out that on Critter-Mess Eve, Saint Lick travels all over the world… ALL OVER THE WORLD?? That means all the places that aren’t in Hills Village. I didn’t even know such places existed! And he goes to every kennel in every town and leaves presents in every room for the different family-packs to find when they wake up on Critter-Mess Day… AND if you’re bad he leaves you a lump of coal. I have no idea what that is, but doesn’t it sound wonderful?

  I also learned that he only leaves the best chew toys for the GOOD BOYS and GOOD GIRLS. Well, that’s that, my person-pal. I definitely need to stick to my vow and be the best-behaved pooch between now and the big day.

  Sunday

  11:16 a.m.

  Hold on a second, my furless friend! Something exciting is happening, I can tell. I stayed awake far too late last night, thinking about Saint Lick and all the amazing dog toys he’s going to bring me, so I slept in a little late. But the moment I opened one eye and took my first sniff of the morning, I could sense that festive things were afoot… or apaw… Ha ha!

  11:18 a.m.

  This is AMAZING! I’ve just walked out of our Sleep Room to find Jawjaw and Mom-Lady pulling out a load of boxes from the hallway closet, and they’re each filled with… with… decorations!!!

  12 p.m.

  I can barely stop myself from peeing right here on the carpet, my person-pal. Jawjaw and Ruff have been put in charge of untangling the long strings of twinkle-lights and Mom-Lady has just driven off in the moving people-box, saying she has a surprise for us…

  12:11 p.m.

  I’m being the most perfect pooch I know how to be and I’m waiting for Mom-Lady by the front door. That’s what all GOOD BOYS do…

  Ruff and Jawjaw are still grumbling down the hall, figuring out the lighty stringy things, but all I can think about is what Mom-Lady has gone to fetch. Maybe it’s another BIG BALDY BIRD?

  I’ll wait right here and find out…

  12:23 p.m.

  Still waiting…

  12:40 p.m.

  STILL WAITING!!!

  12:52 p.m.

  Still wai—WAIT A SECOND! Did I just hear the moving people-box pull up outside?

  Hold breath…

  Hold breath…

  Hold breath…

  I did!!! OH BOY, OH BOY, OH BOY!! I can hear Mom-Lady’s footsteps and the sound of something swooshy being dragged along the path to the front door. Any moment now she’s going to walk inside, see me being the goodest GOOD BOY she’s ever seen and give me the giftiest, surprisiest present I’ve ever—

  1:30 p.m.

  I… I… don’t know what just happened, my furless friend. I was so terrified, I thought my hound-heart was going to play a tune on the inside of my ribs.

  I’m safe here, under Ruff’s bed, but out there in the hallway… I… I… I just saw a monster that made the horrifying vacuum cleaner seem nicer than a tummy-rub.

  I’ll explain…

  There I was, waiting for Mom-Lady to bring home the surprise she’d promised, when… her keys jangled as she took them from her pocket… the key turned in the lock… and… and… A GREEN SPIKY MONSTER BURST THROUGH THE DOOR AND LURCHED TOWARD ME!

  If I hadn’t used my super-speedy dog powers and run away quicker than you can shout “RUN! IT’S A FESTIVE FIEND!” I swear, I would have been lunch.

  1:36 p.m.

  I can hear Mom-Lady and Ruff laughing in the hallway. Why aren’t they screaming and darting for cover?

  1:38 p.m.

  Hmmmm… something’s not quite right here. They’ve started playing Critter-Mess music from the musicy soundy box. As head pooch of the kennel, I think I need to go investigate. I’ll keep you posted…

  3 p.m.

  IT WAS A TREE!?! Can you imagine it, my person-pal? I sneaked down the hallway, peeked around the Picture Box Roo
m door, and there it was. Mom-Lady had stood it up over near the corner and Jawjaw and Ruff were starting to wrap the strings of twinkle-lights around it.

  Just when I think I’ve got you humans all figured out, you go and do the strangest of things! Whoever heard of having a tree inside your kennel? They’re supposed to be outside in the backyard so you can pee on them and bark at RACCOONS in the branches.

  3:19 p.m.

  Okay, I admit it—this is kinda fun. The Critter-Mess tree is now covered in little lights and I’m helping Ruff with the decorations. Every time he hangs one of the glittery balls on a low branch, I take it off again and bury it down the side of the comfy squishy thing.

  Humans love it when dogs help out… I can tell… and the tree is looking paw-some! I still have no idea what it’s doing inside the kennel, but it’s certainly getting me in the mood for festive Critter-Mess cheer. HA HA!

  9 p.m.

  I don’t think I’ve ever been more content, my furless friend. Tonight, Mom-Lady baked cookies for Ruff and Jawjaw, and had bought an extra-big bag of Crunchy-Lumps for me, then we all sat watching a movie about a grumpy old man with a funny voice who didn’t like Critter-Mess. In it, he was visited by three gusts. I don’t really know what a gust is… or what was happening… but it was super WAGGY-TAIL-ICIOUS to curl up with my Catch-A-Doggy-Bone pack in a proper cuddle-puddle.

  It might be my first-ever Howliday Season, but it’s shaping up to be a great one. Sigh…

  Monday

  7 a.m.

  Hold everything, my person-pal!

  I… I… I don’t know how many more shocks I can take! This Critter-Mess malarkey is so full of unexpected surprises.

  Last night, after the movie, before I curled up on the end of Ruff’s bed and went to sleep, things were completely normal. Well… as normal as they can ever be in the Catch-A-Doggy-Bone kennel.

  But now… now everything’s… everything’s… vanished! The whole world outside! IT’S GONE!!!

  I know I sound like I’ve had my doggy brains scrambled, or I’ve eaten too many Canine Crispy Crackers before dozing off and now I’m having a nightmare, but I swear I’m awake and I’m absolutely telling the truth. POOCH PROMISE!!

  Let me explain…

  Yesterday evening, right before heading off to bed, I went outside for a quick pee, poop, and a bark at our neighbor’s cat who was trespassing on our fence.

  Anyway… apart from the weird stuff I mentioned earlier, like all the leaves turning orange and then the trees going bald, everything in the backyard was pretty much the same as it always was.

  But…

  Me and Ruff got up this morning and headed to the Food Room for some hap-hap-happy breakfastin’—and that’s when I spotted it! Outside the window, the whole world has turned WHITE!

  Whiter than white! It’s like some snatch-some sneak has made off with Hills Village while everybody was asleep.

  8 a.m.

  I just don’t understand my pet humans sometimes, my furless friend. Mom-Lady and Jawjaw are awake now too, and both of them seem SO excited that the world is missing. I swear, if either of them grew a tail, they’d be wagging it like crazy and swatting furniture halfway across the room, they’re so happy.

  Well, duh! How is anyone going to go to school when it’s been erased? THERE IS NO SCHOOL!!

  Sometimes I worry that I’m the only smart creature in the whole of the Catch-A-Doggy-Bone kennel. Honestly!

  The problem is, Ruff is acting just as strangely. He threw open the curtains in the Picture Box Room and… where the street used to be… there was nothing… NOTHING!

  “Great!” Ruff yelled.

  Great? I looked at my pet human like he was bananas but he was too busy racing over to the other windows to notice me.

  “I’ve never seen it like this so early in December,” Mom-Lady joined in. “It’s beautiful!”

  BEAUTIFUL? THE WORLD IS MISSING!

  “NO SCHOOL!” Jawjaw yelled as she ran into the room. She was holding her little talky box in her hand. “I just checked. They said it’s going to be closed all week by the looks of things!”

  I could feel my heart starting to race. I know I overreacted about the Critter-Mess tree and the BIG BALDY BIRD on the night before Fangsgiving, but this one was a real mystery to me. How could there be anything great or beautiful about waking up to find the whole world has vanished?

  8:54 a.m.

  Ruff and Jawjaw are putting their coats and boots on. Are they… ARE THEY GOING OUTSIDE?!?!

  9:03 a.m.

  AAAGH! Goodbye, my furless friend. I can’t believe I’m having to tell you this but… but… Ruff put the stupid hat that Mom-Lady bought me on my head, and now he’s clipped the leash to my collar and is trying to pull me to the front door.

  WHY?!? Why would my pet human want to drag his best-best-BESTEST GOOD BOY friend into the great white nothing? There’s no way we’ll make it out there in oblivion.

  GOODBYE,

  CRUEL WORLD!!!

  9:06 a.m.

  I… ummm… okay, Junior, just breathe… It’s cold… the front path is cold and fluffy. If I can feel the ground is cold and fluffy, I’m definitely not dead! The air is full of tiny white things and… oh… they’re landing on my nose… My paws are leaving prints where I walk… Ruff is calling my name and he’s smiling… I think… I think this might be…

  AMAZING!

  9:10 a.m.

  I don’t know what all this white stuff is, my person-pal, but I think it might be the most exciting, paw-rific, amazerous, waggy-tail-icious thing I’ve ever experienced in my whole licky life!!

  NOTE TO SELF:

  At Critter-Mess time, when something seems scary and completely Crazy with a capital C, it’s probably going to end up being completely terrific!

  9:34 a.m.

  I don’t think this morning could get any better! Practically the whole neighborhood is out in the street and we’re all having one giant CANINE CARNIVAL in the cold fluffy stuff.

  My bestest pooch-pals are all here. I’ll introduce you properly…

  Ha ha! It looks like all our pet humans have been to the Dandy Dog store to buy us some festive fashion! Suddenly my hat doesn’t seem so bad…

  3 p.m.

  What a day it’s been, my person-pal. I don’t think I’ve had that much fun since I saw a raccoon and chased it up Mom-Lady’s clean washing hanging on the line in the backyard. That was a good day… a terrific one… but this was even better!

  Our humans all went off to the end of the street to throw balls of snow at each other—oh, that’s what it’s called, by the way: SNOW! I heard Lola’s human talking about it, and you know how good I’m getting at understanding the Peoplish language.

  Anyway… while they all went off for a snowball fight, me and my pooch-pals had a BARK-TASTIC day, getting up to all sorts of canine capers.

  We rolled and scrambled and threw ourselves about in the stuff like we were puppies again.

  Genghis and Lola showed off their artistic side…

  … we each tried our hand at making our first-ever snowdogs…

  … and Betty kept us entertained with more of her HOWL-ARIOUS jokes.

  Ahhh, it was so great!

  The Following Monday

  10:22 a.m.

  HELLO!!! Oh, I’ve missed you, my person-pal. I can’t believe it’s been a whole week! I wanted to write in my dog diary, I really did, but I’ve been so super busy, you wouldn’t believe it!

  Since we last talked, the snow hasn’t stopped falling! It turns out this is the biggest BLIZZARD (that’s a new word I learned a few days ago) that Hills Village has EVER seen. We had so much snow last night, Mom-Lady and Ruff had to dig their way out of our front door. It was INCREDIBLE!

  All you could see from the Picture Box Room window was their heads, bobbing around above the snow line.

  Hills Village Middle School has been closed the whole time and looks like it’ll stay that way until long after Critter-Mess Day, so I’
m as pleased as a Labrador with a bowlful of leftovers. It means I’ve spent every day with Ruff and we’ve been out having the greatest adventures a mutt and his pet human could ask for.

  Let me see, I’ll fill you in on the best bits.

  There was sledding on the hill behind the grocery store…

  … ice skating at the local rinkly-runk (whatever that is)…

  … and I even got the chance to sneak off to the house of Stricty-Pants STRICKER and her pampered poodle Duchess and leave a few yellow patches in the snow on their front lawn, if you know what I mean? HA HA!!

  It’s been terrific! But the fun hasn’t ended there, my furless friend. No sirree!

  Tonight we’re all off for some carol singing. I’ve got to admit, I have no idea who Carol is or why we’re singing to her, but I think it’s going to be a humdinger of a night.

  I overheard Mom-Lady singing while she was in the Rainy Poop Room and I’ve memorized the words perfectly…

  Jingle bells, Grandmoo smells

  Of perfume and of tea.

  Old Saint Lick got such a shock,

  Climbing down the chimney!

  OH!!!!!

  Jingle bells, Jawjaw smells,