I Funny TV Read online




  Begin Reading

  Table of Contents

  A Sneak Peek At Jacky Ha-Ha

  Copyright Page

  In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher constitute unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at [email protected]. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.

  PART ONE

  The End?

  Chapter 1

  TV OR NOT TV?

  Hi, I’m Jamie Grimm, and I really hope you watch my brand-new TV show if I ever actually do one.

  See, when I won the Planet’s Funniest Kid Comic Contest out in Hollywood, one of the prizes was the chance to star in my own television show on the BNC network.

  But I may never really get that chance, because, let’s face it, there are so many TV-type things I can’t do very well. A cop show is definitely out, because I wouldn’t be very good at chasing the bad guys down dark alleys.

  I’d be no good on a Survivor-type show, either. Especially if it was on a desert island with lots of sand.

  Yep, I liked visiting Hollywood, but Long Beach on Long Island is my real home. So, basically, I’m back at the funniest place on earth: middle school.

  Luckily, I have some pretty awesome friends. For instance, Jimmy Pierce and Joey Gaynor. They both walk with me to school most mornings.

  Well, they walk. I roll.

  But what’s supercool about Gaynor and Pierce is that they never treat me like I’m different or handicapped (I hate that word—it makes me sound like a racehorse). As Gaynor put it once, “You’ll just always be shorter than us, dude.”

  Whenever we come to a major uphill, Gaynor and Pierce don’t hurry behind me to push me like I’m an overgrown baby in a stroller. But they might casually grab hold of a handle and give me a gentle assist without ever mentioning it.

  Jimmy Pierce, by the way, is a certifiable genius. He’s so smart, he once told me that elephants are the only mammals that can’t jump. “Elephants and me,” I reminded him.

  Joey Gaynor? He’s just certifiable. Lives on the edge of the edge. He has tattoos, nose rings, and those little metal studs that look like steel zits. Recently, he had a metal spike pierced through his ear. Made his lobes look like barbecued shrimp on a skewer.

  Every morning on our way to Long Beach Middle School, we pass an elementary school.

  When the kids see us coming, they crowd around the edges of the playground and start shouting jokes at me through the chain-link fence. Most of the punch lines are pretty corny, but the kids are cute.

  Plus, they’re the ones who voted for me when I did the Planet’s Funniest Kid Comic finals.

  So, of course, we always stop and listen.

  Even when it turns out to be a big mistake.

  Chapter 2

  LAUGHING MY BUTT OFF

  We’re running a little late, but the kids keep cracking jokes at us.

  “One more,” I tell them.

  “Hey, Jamie?” says this redheaded girl with freckles. “Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?”

  “I don’t know. Why?”

  “In case they get a hole in one.”

  Hey, they’re fourth and fifth graders telling the same jokes fourth and fifth graders have told since forever. Sometimes I pretend they’re so hilarious that I have to let out a big belly laugh and pop a wheelie.

  Today, I make a mistake. I do my wheelie-popping a little too close to the curb.

  Gaynor and Pierce haul me up and casually slide me back into my chair. This is another reason I love going to school with my wingmen.

  Our friend Gilda Gold happens to be coming up the street with her video camera when I do my backflip dive into the gutter. Gilda’s always making funny movies. I sometimes star in them—even when I don’t know her camera is rolling.

  “Hilarious reverse somersault, Jamie,” she tells me when I’m back in my seat. “If your head ever gets too big from being a major celebrity, I’ll post that backward butt flop on the Internet. Maybe send it to TMZ.”

  “Thanks,” I say with a smile.

  Of course, I’m not worried about Gilda posting her video clip online.

  Nobody would watch it. I’m not really a celebrity anymore. I’m just a kid who, once upon a time, won a joke-telling contest on TV.

  A kid who should know not to pop wheelies too close to the curb. Especially near a puddle.

  My soggy underwear stays squishy all day.

  Chapter 3

  MY BULLY-PROOF VEST

  Gilda, Gaynor, Pierce, and I are yukking it up as we head down the hall to our lockers.

  All the WELCOME HOME and JAMIE = FUNNY banners have been taken down. There are no more balloons or streamers. There’s one congratulations card still stuck to my locker door, but it’s barely hanging on to its double-stick tape.

  I guess you could call this part of my life I Just Jamie.

  I mean, what are you supposed to do after your wildest dream comes true? Did I hit my peak in middle school when I won the comedy contest? What if BNC never wants to do a TV show starring a funny kid in a wheelchair? Is it all downhill from here?

  If it is, at least I can coast.

  Especially if my cousin, Stevie Kosgrov, the school’s meanest bully, gives me a shove. Which, incidentally, he does right now.

  Oof.

  But I’m not really afraid of Stevie anymore, because I’ve discovered a very powerful secret weapon to defeat him: comedy. A few well-aimed zingers are, in my opinion, one of the best ways to burst a bully’s bubble.

  So when he threatens to give me a wedgie, I say, “You’re really good at giving wedgies, Stevie. Do you practice yanking up your own underwear at home? Is that why you always walk so weirdly?”

  As I’m giving Stevie Kosgrov a taste of his own medicine, a new kid lumbers up the hallway. This guy is a giant with more blond hair than the entire cheerleading squad. He sort of shoves Stevie aside and glares down at me.

  “You’re Jamie Grimm, right?”

  I smile. “What’d you recognize first? My face or my wheelchair?”

  “Your big, fat mouth.”

  O-kay. So much for bonding with the giant who woke up on the wrong side of the beanstalk this morning.

  “I’m Lars Johannsen,” he says. “My family just moved here from Minnesota.”

  I think Johannsen (who, by the way, is the size of Minnesota) is Scandinavian. I wouldn’t be surprised if he were half Viking. The plundering-and-pillaging half.

  “I was rooting for Chatty Patty,” he says. “Voted for her fifteen times. I punched in her eight-hundred number so hard, I broke my phone.”

  Quick backstory: Patricia Dombrowski, who calls herself Chatty Patty, is one of the comedians I defeated out in Hollywood when America cast its votes via telephone and text message, just like they do on America’s Got Talent and that other show, America’s Got Telephones.

  Patricia Dombrowski lives in Moose Lake, Minnesota. I have a funny feeling this new kid, Lars (which, I’m guessing, is Swedish for large), is the moose they named the lake after.

  Johannsen bends down so we can go nose to nose and I can smell the pickled herring he ate for breakfast.

  “Patty should’ve beaten you.”

  I just gulp.

  “But that’s okay. I’ll beat you for her.”

  “Whoa,” says Stevie Kosgrov. “Hold up, newbie. Jamie Grimm is mine.”

  “Who are you?” Johannsen says to Stevie.

  “The name’s Kosgrov. Top bully at this school, three years running. If you wan
t to take a shot at the crip, get in line. Behind me.”

  “Fine. If I’m behind you, it’ll be easier to kick your butt.”

  Two seconds later, Stevie is sprawled out on the floor.

  Then it’s my turn. One shove and I’m flat on my back, staring up at fluorescent-light fixtures. Again.

  Yep. It’s just like old times. Only now I have a new bully to worry about.

  But guess what? So does Stevie Kosgrov!

  Chapter 4

  DOWN AT THE DINER

  After Lars Johannsen destroys what I thought was my indestructible joke-based Anti-Bully Defense System, I know exactly where I need to go after school: my uncle’s diner, Frankie’s Good Eats by the Sea.

  I need to make sure I’ve still got it.

  It being the ability to make people laugh, not the newest bruise on my butt.

  As you can probably tell, Uncle Frankie’s diner has been totally rebuilt, refurbished, and remodeled. That’s because Good Eats by the Sea became Good Eats Under the Sea when Hurricane Sam came ashore a few months back.

  Uncle Frankie is, hands down, my favorite relative.

  That’s why I gave him so much of my prize money. Yep, my one million dollars is basically gone. The government took out a big chunk in taxes right away. Then I helped my other aunt and uncle buy a new house, and I put some money away for college or a future medical miracle. The rest paid for rebuilding the diner.

  And Uncle Frankie deserved every penny. After all, he was the first person who thought I might have some kind of comedic talent.

  He saw me working behind the counter, where I had fun cracking up his customers with nonstop one-liners. I’d memorized them out of joke books when I was in a hospital, where my doctors truly believed that laughter is the best medicine. It also tastes better than most cough syrups.

  Uncle Frankie’s also the one who first pointed me in the direction of the Planet’s Funniest Kid Comic Contest, and then stood by me for the whole ride, even the bumpy parts. And the scary parts. And the sad parts between the bumpy and scary parts.

  More than anybody else, Uncle Frankie helped me put my life back together. I wanted to return the favor.

  Now the diner looks great. Very sparkly and shiny. One whole wall is filled with classic yo-yos. Once upon a time, when Uncle Frankie was just a little older than me, he was the yo-yo champ of all of Brooklyn, a place where everybody’s first name is Yo. As in: “Yo, Ashley! Yo, Tommy! Yo, Adrienne!”

  Uncle Frankie also put in a brand-new, state-of-the-art digital jukebox. It only plays golden oldie doo-wop music, because that’s the only music Uncle Frankie likes. “It has a good beat,” he says. “You can yo-yo to it.”

  When I roll into the diner, Uncle Frankie is all smiles.

  “Yo, Jamie. How was school?”

  “Great,” I say, because even though Uncle Frankie is awesome, he’s still an adult. And sometimes you just don’t want any adult, even your favorite one, to know you’re being bullied. Again. “Need any help behind the counter?”

  “Does the pope wear a pointy hat?”

  I ring up my first customer and, since he had the spaghetti, I try some George Carlin on him.

  “If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?”

  Blank stare from him. Flop sweat from me.

  I try another one-liner on him: “When cheese has its picture taken, what does it say?”

  I get zilch.

  Finally, I give up.

  And that’s when he recognizes me.

  “Oh, right,” he says. “You used to be Jamie Grimm. That kid on TV. You used to be funny.”

  Yep. I used to be me.

  Chapter 5

  CREAKY COMEDY?

  Somebody once said, “If you fall off a horse, you need to get back on.”

  I think it might’ve been Paul Revere, after he shouted, “The redcoats are coming!” He spooked his horse so badly, it turned into a bucking bronco and tossed him out of the saddle. Anyway, that’s what I need to do. Only without the horse.

  I need to get back onstage and make some people laugh again.

  I have a feeling my comedy muscles have gotten a little soft since the final round of the Planet’s Funniest Kid Comic Contest. I haven’t been in front of an audience in weeks.

  Then, just like Lars Johannsen, it hits me.

  I should hold my own comedy contest, for elementary-school kids, like the ones who shout jokes at me every morning.

  I could call it Jamie Grimm’s Funniest Little Kids in the Whole Wide Universe Competition.

  The competition would be open to kids from kindergarten to fifth grade. That way I wouldn’t be showcasing the same bunch of comics who were in my bracket. We could do the show at the diner. Uncle Frankie could clear out a space in the main room, rig up a microphone, maybe rent a spotlight. I would be the master of ceremonies, rolling out between comics to entertain the crowd.

  It would give me something to work for. I’d need all-new material, because everybody’s already seen most of my old stuff on TV. Uncle Frankie could give the winner a lifetime supply of chili fries. The local newspaper could put their picture in the paper. The winner, not the chili fries.

  I head home to Smileyville to bounce this brainstorm off my uncle and aunt Smiley.

  I call the Kosgrovs’ house “Smileyville” because they (and their dog) never look like they’re having a very good time.

  I’ve had better luck making lawn gnomes laugh. But, all in all, the Smileys have been extremely good to me. They took me in when I got out of the hospital and did everything they could to make their home wheelchair accessible.

  They became my new family right after I’d lost my old one.

  They also gave me Stevie for a housemate, but, hey, nobody’s perfect.

  Smileyville has moved a little closer to the shore because I used some of my prize money to help make the down payment on a bigger, nicer house after their old one got wrecked by Hurricane Sam. The Smileys, of course, are still the Smileys. They just have more room to frown in.

  And I still live in the garage. Only now it’s a two-car garage. What can I say? I love rolling up my bedroom doors with a flick of the remote control.

  I also love my new roommate.

  It’s Uncle Frankie’s classic 1967 Ford Mustang convertible, parked right next to my bed. It’s here because the car will be mine the minute I turn sixteen and get my driver’s license. We’re going to outfit it with hand controls for the brakes and gas pedal—and then I can hit the highway.

  I’ll be able to go wherever I want to go.

  I like seeing Uncle Frankie’s cherry-red Mustang every night right before I fall asleep.

  Sometimes, I even dream about my new set of wheels.

  And all the freedom they’ll bring me.

  Chapter 6

  DOWN IN FROWN TOWN

  That night, over dinner, the Smileys react to my new comedy contest idea the same way they react to everything.

  Yep. They’re frowning. Except Ol’ Smiler, the dog. He’s groaning and covering his eyes with his paws.

  “You’ve already won one contest,” says my aunt, Mrs. Smiley. “Why do you need another trophy?”

  “I wouldn’t be competing,” I try to explain. “I’d just be the host. This is for all the kids in elementary school who want to be comedians.”

  “Why?” asks Mr. Smiley.

  “Huh?”

  “Why would these kids want to be comedians? You already won all the prize money. Do they get a chance to star in their own TV show, too?”

  I decide to let the subject drop.

  The dinner table is already tense enough. Stevie’s hand is shaking so badly, peas are bouncing off his spoon like Mexican jumping beans.

  “Are you all right, Stephen?” asks Mr. Smiley.

  “Fine,” he squeaks.

  “How was school?” asks his mom.

  “Fine.” His voice is so high-pitched, it makes Ol’ Smiler yelp.

  “Well,
son,” says Stevie’s father, “you know what they say about eighth grade: The third time’s the charm.”

  And then, when everybody is concentrating on chewing Mrs. Smiley’s meat loaf (it’s like gnawing on a steel-toed work boot), Stevie glares at me. This is all your fault! he silently mouths.

  Sorry, I mouth back. But now you know how it feels to be bullied.

  “Mommy?” says Mary, Stevie’s little sister. “Stevie and Jamie are talking with their mouths full of food, but no words are coming out.”

  “I’m working on my ventriloquist act,” I joke. And then the kicker slips out before I can stop it: “Stevie’s going to be my dummy.”

  I hunch my shoulders up to my ears, bracing for the punch I know Stevie should be throwing my way as payment for that crack.

  But he doesn’t budge. His spoon hand just trembles some more. Pinging peas dance across his plate like popcorn in the popper. Ol’ Smiler quickly vacuums up the ones that fall on the floor. At least someone’s happy.

  “Stevie?” says Mrs. Smiley. “Why are you so shaky? Did you eat candy bars for lunch again?”

  “I’m fine. May I please be excused from the table?”

  Wow. Stevie has never, ever asked to be excused from the table. Usually, he sits there until everybody else is gone so he can lick their plates clean.

  Thinking about Lars Johannsen intimidating Stevie, I’m reminded of a corny joke:

  What do you call a kid who’s being threatened by the meanest bully in school?

  An ambulance.

  Chapter 7

  RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD

 

    Miracle at Augusta Read onlineMiracle at AugustaThe Store Read onlineThe StoreThe Midnight Club Read onlineThe Midnight ClubThe Witnesses Read onlineThe WitnessesThe 9th Judgment Read onlineThe 9th JudgmentAgainst Medical Advice Read onlineAgainst Medical AdviceThe Quickie Read onlineThe QuickieLittle Black Dress Read onlineLittle Black DressPrivate Oz Read onlinePrivate OzHomeroom Diaries Read onlineHomeroom DiariesGone Read onlineGoneLifeguard Read onlineLifeguardKill Me if You Can Read onlineKill Me if You CanBullseye Read onlineBullseyeConfessions of a Murder Suspect Read onlineConfessions of a Murder SuspectBlack Friday Read onlineBlack FridayManhunt Read onlineManhuntFilthy Rich Read onlineFilthy RichStep on a Crack Read onlineStep on a CrackPrivate Read onlinePrivatePrivate India Read onlinePrivate IndiaGame Over Read onlineGame OverPrivate Sydney Read onlinePrivate SydneyThe Murder House Read onlineThe Murder HouseMistress Read onlineMistressI, Michael Bennett Read onlineI, Michael BennettThe Gift Read onlineThe GiftThe Postcard Killers Read onlineThe Postcard KillersThe Shut-In Read onlineThe Shut-InThe House Husband Read onlineThe House HusbandThe Lost Read onlineThe LostI, Alex Cross Read onlineI, Alex CrossGoing Bush Read onlineGoing Bush16th Seduction Read online16th SeductionThe Jester Read onlineThe JesterAlong Came a Spider Read onlineAlong Came a SpiderThe Lake House Read onlineThe Lake HouseFour Blind Mice Read onlineFour Blind MiceTick Tock Read onlineTick TockPrivate L.A. Read onlinePrivate L.A.Middle School, the Worst Years of My Life Read onlineMiddle School, the Worst Years of My LifeCross Country Read onlineCross CountryThe Final Warning Read onlineThe Final WarningWord of Mouse Read onlineWord of MouseCome and Get Us Read onlineCome and Get UsSail Read onlineSailI Funny TV: A Middle School Story Read onlineI Funny TV: A Middle School StoryPrivate London Read onlinePrivate LondonSave Rafe! Read onlineSave Rafe!Swimsuit Read onlineSwimsuitSam's Letters to Jennifer Read onlineSam's Letters to Jennifer3rd Degree Read online3rd DegreeDouble Cross Read onlineDouble CrossJudge & Jury Read onlineJudge & JuryKiss the Girls Read onlineKiss the GirlsSecond Honeymoon Read onlineSecond HoneymoonGuilty Wives Read onlineGuilty Wives1st to Die Read online1st to DieNYPD Red 4 Read onlineNYPD Red 4Truth or Die Read onlineTruth or DiePrivate Vegas Read onlinePrivate VegasThe 5th Horseman Read onlineThe 5th Horseman7th Heaven Read online7th HeavenI Even Funnier Read onlineI Even FunnierCross My Heart Read onlineCross My HeartLet’s Play Make-Believe Read onlineLet’s Play Make-BelieveViolets Are Blue Read onlineViolets Are BlueZoo Read onlineZooHome Sweet Murder Read onlineHome Sweet MurderThe Private School Murders Read onlineThe Private School MurdersAlex Cross, Run Read onlineAlex Cross, RunHunted: BookShots Read onlineHunted: BookShotsThe Fire Read onlineThe FireChase Read onlineChase14th Deadly Sin Read online14th Deadly SinBloody Valentine Read onlineBloody ValentineThe 17th Suspect Read onlineThe 17th SuspectThe 8th Confession Read onlineThe 8th Confession4th of July Read online4th of JulyThe Angel Experiment Read onlineThe Angel ExperimentCrazy House Read onlineCrazy HouseSchool's Out - Forever Read onlineSchool's Out - ForeverSuzanne's Diary for Nicholas Read onlineSuzanne's Diary for NicholasCross Justice Read onlineCross JusticeMaximum Ride Forever Read onlineMaximum Ride ForeverThe Thomas Berryman Number Read onlineThe Thomas Berryman NumberHoneymoon Read onlineHoneymoonThe Medical Examiner Read onlineThe Medical ExaminerKiller Chef Read onlineKiller ChefPrivate Princess Read onlinePrivate PrincessPrivate Games Read onlinePrivate GamesBurn Read onlineBurn10th Anniversary Read online10th AnniversaryI Totally Funniest: A Middle School Story Read onlineI Totally Funniest: A Middle School StoryTaking the Titanic Read onlineTaking the TitanicThe Lawyer Lifeguard Read onlineThe Lawyer LifeguardThe 6th Target Read onlineThe 6th TargetCross the Line Read onlineCross the LineAlert Read onlineAlertSaving the World and Other Extreme Sports Read onlineSaving the World and Other Extreme Sports1st Case Read online1st CaseUnlucky 13 Read onlineUnlucky 13Haunted Read onlineHauntedCross Read onlineCrossLost Read onlineLost11th Hour Read online11th HourBookshots Thriller Omnibus Read onlineBookshots Thriller OmnibusTarget: Alex Cross Read onlineTarget: Alex CrossHope to Die Read onlineHope to DieThe Noise Read onlineThe NoiseWorst Case Read onlineWorst CaseDog's Best Friend Read onlineDog's Best FriendNevermore: The Final Maximum Ride Adventure Read onlineNevermore: The Final Maximum Ride AdventureI Funny: A Middle School Story Read onlineI Funny: A Middle School StoryNYPD Red Read onlineNYPD RedTill Murder Do Us Part Read onlineTill Murder Do Us PartBlack & Blue Read onlineBlack & BlueFang Read onlineFangLiar Liar Read onlineLiar LiarThe Inn Read onlineThe InnSundays at Tiffany's Read onlineSundays at Tiffany'sMiddle School: Escape to Australia Read onlineMiddle School: Escape to AustraliaCat and Mouse Read onlineCat and MouseInstinct Read onlineInstinctThe Black Book Read onlineThe Black BookLondon Bridges Read onlineLondon BridgesToys Read onlineToysThe Last Days of John Lennon Read onlineThe Last Days of John LennonRoses Are Red Read onlineRoses Are RedWitch & Wizard Read onlineWitch & WizardThe Dolls Read onlineThe DollsThe Christmas Wedding Read onlineThe Christmas WeddingThe River Murders Read onlineThe River MurdersThe 18th Abduction Read onlineThe 18th AbductionThe 19th Christmas Read onlineThe 19th ChristmasMiddle School: How I Got Lost in London Read onlineMiddle School: How I Got Lost in LondonJust My Rotten Luck Read onlineJust My Rotten LuckRed Alert Read onlineRed AlertWalk in My Combat Boots Read onlineWalk in My Combat BootsThree Women Disappear Read onlineThree Women Disappear21st Birthday Read online21st BirthdayAll-American Adventure Read onlineAll-American AdventureBecoming Muhammad Ali Read onlineBecoming Muhammad AliThe Murder of an Angel Read onlineThe Murder of an AngelThe 13-Minute Murder Read onlineThe 13-Minute MurderRebels With a Cause Read onlineRebels With a CauseThe Trial Read onlineThe TrialRun for Your Life Read onlineRun for Your LifeThe House Next Door Read onlineThe House Next DoorNYPD Red 2 Read onlineNYPD Red 2Ali Cross Read onlineAli CrossThe Big Bad Wolf Read onlineThe Big Bad WolfMiddle School: My Brother Is a Big, Fat Liar Read onlineMiddle School: My Brother Is a Big, Fat LiarPrivate Paris Read onlinePrivate ParisMiracle on the 17th Green Read onlineMiracle on the 17th GreenThe People vs. Alex Cross Read onlineThe People vs. Alex CrossThe Beach House Read onlineThe Beach HouseCross Kill Read onlineCross KillDog Diaries Read onlineDog DiariesThe President's Daughter Read onlineThe President's DaughterHappy Howlidays Read onlineHappy HowlidaysDetective Cross Read onlineDetective CrossThe Paris Mysteries Read onlineThe Paris MysteriesWatch the Skies Read onlineWatch the Skies113 Minutes Read online113 MinutesAlex Cross's Trial Read onlineAlex Cross's TrialNYPD Red 3 Read onlineNYPD Red 3Hush Hush Read onlineHush HushNow You See Her Read onlineNow You See HerMerry Christmas, Alex Cross Read onlineMerry Christmas, Alex Cross2nd Chance Read online2nd ChancePrivate Royals Read onlinePrivate RoyalsTwo From the Heart Read onlineTwo From the HeartMax Read onlineMaxI, Funny Read onlineI, FunnyBlindside (Michael Bennett) Read onlineBlindside (Michael Bennett)Sophia, Princess Among Beasts Read onlineSophia, Princess Among BeastsArmageddon Read onlineArmageddonDon't Blink Read onlineDon't BlinkNYPD Red 6 Read onlineNYPD Red 6The First Lady Read onlineThe First LadyTexas Outlaw Read onlineTexas OutlawHush Read onlineHushBeach Road Read onlineBeach RoadPrivate Berlin Read onlinePrivate BerlinThe Family Lawyer Read onlineThe Family LawyerJack & Jill Read onlineJack & JillThe Midwife Murders Read onlineThe Midwife MurdersMiddle School: Rafe's Aussie Adventure Read onlineMiddle School: Rafe's Aussie AdventureThe Murder of King Tut: The Plot to Kill the Child King Read onlineThe Murder of King Tut: The Plot to Kill the Child KingFirst Love Read onlineFirst LoveThe Dangerous Days of Daniel X Read onlineThe Dangerous Days of Daniel XHawk Read onlineHawkPrivate Delhi Read onlinePrivate DelhiThe 20th Victim Read onlineThe 20th VictimThe Shadow Read onlineThe ShadowKatt vs. Dogg Read onlineKatt vs. DoggThe Palm Beach Murders Read onlineThe Palm Beach Murders2 Sisters Detective Agency Read online2 Sisters Detective AgencyHumans, Bow Down Read onlineHumans, Bow DownYou've Been Warned Read onlineYou've Been WarnedCradle and All Read onlineCradle and All20th Victim: (Women’s Murder Club 20) (Women's Murder Club) Read online20th Victim: (Women’s Murder Club 20) (Women's Murder Club)Season of the Machete Read onlineSeason of the MacheteWoman of God Read onlineWoman of GodMary, Mary Read onlineMary, MaryBlindside Read onlineBlindsideInvisible Read onlineInvisibleThe Chef Read onlineThe ChefRevenge Read onlineRevengeSee How They Run Read onlineSee How They RunPop Goes the Weasel Read onlinePop Goes the Weasel15th Affair Read online15th AffairMiddle School: Get Me Out of Here! Read onlineMiddle School: Get Me Out of Here!Middle School: How I Survived Bullies, Broccoli, and Snake Hill Read onlineMiddle School: How I Survived Bullies, Broccoli, and Snake HillFrom Hero to Zero - Chris Tebbetts Read onlineFrom Hero to Zero - Chris TebbettsG'day, America Read onlineG'day, AmericaMax Einstein Saves the Future Read onlineMax Einstein Saves the FutureThe Cornwalls Are Gone Read onlineThe Cornwalls Are GonePrivate Moscow Read onlinePrivate MoscowTwo Schools Out - Forever Read onlineTwo Schools Out - ForeverHollywood 101 Read onlineHollywood 101Deadly Cargo: BookShots Read onlineDeadly Cargo: BookShots21st Birthday (Women's Murder Club) Read online21st Birthday (Women's Murder Club)The Sky Is Falling Read onlineThe Sky Is FallingCajun Justice Read onlineCajun JusticeBennett 06 - Gone Read onlineBennett 06 - GoneThe House of Kennedy Read onlineThe House of KennedyWaterwings Read onlineWaterwingsMurder is Forever, Volume 2 Read onlineMurder is Forever, Volume 2Maximum Ride 02 Read onlineMaximum Ride 02Treasure Hunters--The Plunder Down Under Read onlineTreasure Hunters--The Plunder Down UnderPrivate Royals: BookShots (A Private Thriller) Read onlinePrivate Royals: BookShots (A Private Thriller)After the End Read onlineAfter the EndPrivate India: (Private 8) Read onlinePrivate India: (Private 8)Escape to Australia Read onlineEscape to AustraliaWMC - First to Die Read onlineWMC - First to DieBoys Will Be Boys Read onlineBoys Will Be BoysThe Red Book Read onlineThe Red Book11th hour wmc-11 Read online11th hour wmc-11Hidden Read onlineHiddenYou've Been Warned--Again Read onlineYou've Been Warned--AgainUnsolved Read onlineUnsolvedPottymouth and Stoopid Read onlinePottymouth and StoopidHope to Die: (Alex Cross 22) Read onlineHope to Die: (Alex Cross 22)The Moores Are Missing Read onlineThe Moores Are MissingBlack & Blue: BookShots (Detective Harriet Blue Series) Read onlineBlack & Blue: BookShots (Detective Harriet Blue Series)Airport - Code Red: BookShots Read onlineAirport - Code Red: BookShotsKill or Be Killed Read onlineKill or Be KilledSchool's Out--Forever Read onlineSchool's Out--ForeverWhen the Wind Blows Read onlineWhen the Wind BlowsHeist: BookShots Read onlineHeist: BookShotsMurder of Innocence (Murder Is Forever) Read onlineMurder of Innocence (Murder Is Forever)Red Alert_An NYPD Red Mystery Read onlineRed Alert_An NYPD Red MysteryMalicious Read onlineMaliciousScott Free Read onlineScott FreeThe Summer House Read onlineThe Summer HouseFrench Kiss Read onlineFrench KissTreasure Hunters Read onlineTreasure HuntersMurder Is Forever, Volume 1 Read onlineMurder Is Forever, Volume 1Secret of the Forbidden City Read onlineSecret of the Forbidden CityCross the Line: (Alex Cross 24) Read onlineCross the Line: (Alex Cross 24)Witch & Wizard: The Fire Read onlineWitch & Wizard: The FireWomen's Murder Club [06] The 6th Target Read onlineWomen's Murder Club [06] The 6th TargetCross My Heart ac-21 Read onlineCross My Heart ac-21Alex Cross’s Trial ак-15 Read onlineAlex Cross’s Trial ак-15Alex Cross 03 - Jack & Jill Read onlineAlex Cross 03 - Jack & JillLiar Liar: (Harriet Blue 3) (Detective Harriet Blue Series) Read onlineLiar Liar: (Harriet Blue 3) (Detective Harriet Blue Series)Cross Country ак-14 Read onlineCross Country ак-14Honeymoon h-1 Read onlineHoneymoon h-1Maximum Ride: The Angel Experiment Read onlineMaximum Ride: The Angel ExperimentThe Big Bad Wolf ак-9 Read onlineThe Big Bad Wolf ак-9Dead Heat: BookShots (Book Shots) Read onlineDead Heat: BookShots (Book Shots)Kill and Tell Read onlineKill and TellAvalanche Read onlineAvalancheRobot Revolution Read onlineRobot RevolutionPublic School Superhero Read onlinePublic School Superhero12th of Never Read online12th of NeverMax: A Maximum Ride Novel Read onlineMax: A Maximum Ride NovelAll-American Murder Read onlineAll-American MurderMurder Games Read onlineMurder GamesRobots Go Wild! Read onlineRobots Go Wild!My Life Is a Joke Read onlineMy Life Is a JokePrivate: Gold Read onlinePrivate: GoldDemons and Druids Read onlineDemons and DruidsJacky Ha-Ha Read onlineJacky Ha-HaPostcard killers Read onlinePostcard killersPrincess: A Private Novel Read onlinePrincess: A Private NovelKill Alex Cross ac-18 Read onlineKill Alex Cross ac-1812th of Never wmc-12 Read online12th of Never wmc-12The Murder of King Tut Read onlineThe Murder of King TutI Totally Funniest Read onlineI Totally FunniestCross Fire ак-17 Read onlineCross Fire ак-17Count to Ten Read onlineCount to TenWomen's Murder Club [10] 10th Anniversary Read onlineWomen's Murder Club [10] 10th AnniversaryWomen's Murder Club [01] 1st to Die Read onlineWomen's Murder Club [01] 1st to DieI, Michael Bennett mb-5 Read onlineI, Michael Bennett mb-5Nooners Read onlineNoonersWomen's Murder Club [08] The 8th Confession Read onlineWomen's Murder Club [08] The 8th ConfessionPrivate jm-1 Read onlinePrivate jm-1Treasure Hunters: Danger Down the Nile Read onlineTreasure Hunters: Danger Down the NileWorst Case mb-3 Read onlineWorst Case mb-3Don’t Blink Read onlineDon’t BlinkThe Games Read onlineThe GamesThe Medical Examiner: A Women's Murder Club Story Read onlineThe Medical Examiner: A Women's Murder Club StoryBlack Market Read onlineBlack MarketGone mb-6 Read onlineGone mb-6Women's Murder Club [02] 2nd Chance Read onlineWomen's Murder Club [02] 2nd ChanceFrench Twist Read onlineFrench TwistKenny Wright Read onlineKenny WrightManhunt: A Michael Bennett Story Read onlineManhunt: A Michael Bennett StoryCross Kill: An Alex Cross Story Read onlineCross Kill: An Alex Cross StoryConfessions of a Murder Suspect td-1 Read onlineConfessions of a Murder Suspect td-1Second Honeymoon h-2 Read onlineSecond Honeymoon h-2Chase_A BookShot_A Michael Bennett Story Read onlineChase_A BookShot_A Michael Bennett StoryConfessions: The Paris Mysteries Read onlineConfessions: The Paris MysteriesWomen's Murder Club [09] The 9th Judgment Read onlineWomen's Murder Club [09] The 9th JudgmentAbsolute Zero Read onlineAbsolute ZeroNevermore: The Final Maximum Ride Adventure mr-8 Read onlineNevermore: The Final Maximum Ride Adventure mr-8Angel: A Maximum Ride Novel mr-7 Read onlineAngel: A Maximum Ride Novel mr-7Juror #3 Read onlineJuror #3Million-Dollar Mess Down Under Read onlineMillion-Dollar Mess Down UnderThe Verdict: BookShots (A Jon Roscoe Thriller) Read onlineThe Verdict: BookShots (A Jon Roscoe Thriller)The President Is Missing: A Novel Read onlineThe President Is Missing: A NovelWomen's Murder Club [04] 4th of July Read onlineWomen's Murder Club [04] 4th of JulyThe Hostage: BookShots (Hotel Series) Read onlineThe Hostage: BookShots (Hotel Series)$10,000,000 Marriage Proposal Read online$10,000,000 Marriage ProposalDiary of a Succubus Read onlineDiary of a SuccubusUnbelievably Boring Bart Read onlineUnbelievably Boring BartAngel: A Maximum Ride Novel Read onlineAngel: A Maximum Ride NovelStingrays Read onlineStingraysConfessions: The Private School Murders Read onlineConfessions: The Private School MurdersStealing Gulfstreams Read onlineStealing GulfstreamsWomen's Murder Club [05] The 5th Horseman Read onlineWomen's Murder Club [05] The 5th HorsemanZoo 2 Read onlineZoo 2Jack Morgan 02 - Private London Read onlineJack Morgan 02 - Private LondonTreasure Hunters--Quest for the City of Gold Read onlineTreasure Hunters--Quest for the City of GoldThe Christmas Mystery Read onlineThe Christmas MysteryMurder in Paradise Read onlineMurder in ParadiseKidnapped: BookShots (A Jon Roscoe Thriller) Read onlineKidnapped: BookShots (A Jon Roscoe Thriller)Triple Homicide_Thrillers Read onlineTriple Homicide_Thrillers16th Seduction: (Women’s Murder Club 16) (Women's Murder Club) Read online16th Seduction: (Women’s Murder Club 16) (Women's Murder Club)14th Deadly Sin: (Women’s Murder Club 14) Read online14th Deadly Sin: (Women’s Murder Club 14)Texas Ranger Read onlineTexas RangerWitch & Wizard 04 - The Kiss Read onlineWitch & Wizard 04 - The KissWomen's Murder Club [03] 3rd Degree Read onlineWomen's Murder Club [03] 3rd DegreeBreak Point: BookShots Read onlineBreak Point: BookShotsAlex Cross 04 - Cat & Mouse Read onlineAlex Cross 04 - Cat & MouseMaximum Ride Read onlineMaximum RideFifty Fifty: (Harriet Blue 2) (Detective Harriet Blue Series) Read onlineFifty Fifty: (Harriet Blue 2) (Detective Harriet Blue Series)Alex Cross 02 - Kiss the Girls Read onlineAlex Cross 02 - Kiss the GirlsThe President Is Missing Read onlineThe President Is MissingHunted Read onlineHuntedHouse of Robots Read onlineHouse of RobotsDangerous Days of Daniel X Read onlineDangerous Days of Daniel XTick Tock mb-4 Read onlineTick Tock mb-410th Anniversary wmc-10 Read online10th Anniversary wmc-10The Exile Read onlineThe ExilePrivate Games-Jack Morgan 4 jm-4 Read onlinePrivate Games-Jack Morgan 4 jm-4Burn: (Michael Bennett 7) Read onlineBurn: (Michael Bennett 7)Laugh Out Loud Read onlineLaugh Out LoudThe People vs. Alex Cross: (Alex Cross 25) Read onlineThe People vs. Alex Cross: (Alex Cross 25)Peril at the Top of the World Read onlinePeril at the Top of the WorldI Funny TV Read onlineI Funny TVMerry Christmas, Alex Cross ac-19 Read onlineMerry Christmas, Alex Cross ac-19#1 Suspect jm-3 Read online#1 Suspect jm-3Fang: A Maximum Ride Novel Read onlineFang: A Maximum Ride NovelWomen's Murder Club [07] 7th Heaven Read onlineWomen's Murder Club [07] 7th HeavenThe End Read onlineThe End